sticky notes are not a good way to come out

I just came out to my brother. Now you may say wow, that's awesome. But you should also know that this made Festivus very awkward. You should also be aware that he is currently befuddled at the situation, angry with himself for having terrible gaydar and upset with me for telling him more than 6 months after I told my parents. He's gone silent with bewilderment. I think he's also disappointed that it wasn't more intimate, or happy. The things he's asking for "can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you're gay, seriously" I just died laughing. 15 years old and I think he's in shock.

gave it all

Words and music have power that many are unaware of until...it hits them and makes them cry, question themselves, their decisions, their beliefs. I made her feel sick to her stomach with a song. That's power, insert the cliched spider man quote here. Oh the stories we all have to tell. I said my piece.

~Rach

Moments of Sanity/ Thoughts of the Day

I have now been in the library for two and a half hours. My ears hurt from my noise-cancelling headphones and I actually managed to accomplish some homework.

I started noting my moments of sanity for the day:

First thing I thought of in class today was that when Toenail shows up on time, I feel proud of him for getting up before 8am. I wonder what his mother thinks of him, he must be a lot like daddy.

Teammates, real teammates, are fantastic. So are friends, family, and coaches. The people who we are told from a young age are there for us, to help us in our time of need. It wasn't until I had a time of need that I've relied on them. And for that, I am so damn thankful.

I sincerely laughed in psych today for two reasons. The first being that my professor who sent out lez-vibes in an alarming fashion the first hour meeting her asked "How many of you thought I was gay?" I tried so hard to not burst out laughing. She followed that with, "I am, but you were relying stereotypes."
   
"Attitudes: everyone has them: from birth control to Brussels sprouts" - straight from the psych video we watched. I felt like I had another "don't pay the ransom moment"

Its also amazing how I can see the ocean, but my view is so polluted with power lines, rock walls, and I guess a school.

Today,
I'm proud of being named co-pres of EC Alliance, especially as a freshman amongst a few other upperclassman. I'm  upset that I didn't get my coveted 23 but I'm so proud to represent myself and my school as #24. I'm proud of being proud. It's taken so long to get to where I am right now. And I don't want to forget the reasons or the people that helped me get here no matter what joy or pain they have caused me.

~Rachel

so this is moving on

So I'm starting this blog after consulting with a wonderful friend during thanksgiving break. I'm using this time in my life to not only avoid college work but to develop myself.

Although not all posts will run along this format I was considering a format that sounds far more ghastly and astonishing than first pictured. It is a way to say goodbye to the day, to let go of any anger, an attempt to forgive or at least justify the odd series of events that is life.
 
So here is my daily letter/suicide note:

__,
I hope you know that I finally appreciate what I have and the oppurtunities given to me. It is now my turn to take control of what I have again, at least to the best of my abilities. I will no longer be a brain controlled by an institution. I never was and never will be one of the mice running around. Getting slizzard does not constitute a good time but I hope that you enjoy it. I rejoice in knowing that my answers are not at the bottom of any bottles.