Well my first year of college is over and of course I can say it flew by and that I had a great time and did new things and met new people and all of the conventional bull feces that comes when a young adult is crammed into a place with hundreds of other young adults, often unsupervised. I'm glad it's over. But now I'm bored as hell slowly formulating summer plans.
So here's 8 - 12 of interesting things I learned or became aware of during the fantastic first year.
8. lesbians and their insecurities
9. bus rides
10. the importance of being humble, or at least acting like it
11. the importance of being an asshole
12. making a name for yourself, do something extraordinary, defy stereotypes
8. Its not a choice, but sometimes I wish I liked guys, the simplicity, the competition, the attempt to raise chivalry from the dead. Now one may question why a lesbian would ever want such things, for along with the man can come accidental babies, and with that body parts I don't want to think about. But that's because my lezzy web is deeply insecure. And on the small college campus, your lezzy bizness will eventually reach my ears. And my lezzy bizness has undoubtedly reached others. But lets get to the main point here. Everyone is insecure. And most unfortunately, young adults align themselves into the college construct which they can apply their either appropriate or inappropriate behavior. This affects all. Relationships harshly included.
9. If anyone had asked me a year ago today what i thought of coach buses, or traveling to away games I would have answered something along the lines of: "I'm sick of traveling in a school bus, but at least our farthest away game is an hour". OH MY how the times have changed. I loathe the state of Maine for its existence. Really UNE? Really Farmington? Really St. Joes? Did you all have to be in east bum?? Bus rides can act as bonding time, homework time, psych up time, or nap time. And if you're playing at Regis, than its nostalgia time because you're going there on a school bus, a nice white school bus. And we ran like bats out of hell that game. Yeehaw.
But the bus can transform into something amazing and I will try not to get to wordy about this, but it is emotional for me, and I could write a good chunk about it. The bus is my tank on my hero's journey home, after the battle is over. It is on the bus where I can finally exhale. My job is done and I await my ride back. It's during the travel time where you can really think. I put my headphones in/on but don't play any music sometimes. I just want to be left to myself. When we reach a certain land marker (I'm keeping it a secret location), I play "Lucky Clover Coin" by Rocky Votolato. It puts me in the mood to go back, to end the day but not the fight. I could cry every time I hear that song. It's about letting go of your problems knowing you got the ones you love beside you. That's my team. That's my school. That's my family.
10. I can be one cocky bitch, really could be. But mama didn't raise me that way and honestly, she's done more than I have. So I have an example to go by and that example also knows when I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm humbled by the fight of everyone around me. I'm humbled by sport, how at the end of the day it might not come down to skills, it's usually heart instead that wins out. I'm humbled by my past. However its these sacrifices that go to my head. Did you really think I played goalie cause I was forced to? No sir (or ma'am). I wanted the honor and the battle scars. I want the trophy, the record, the highlight reel. But this time I want those things at a new level. That's why I hardly talk about my high school accomplishments. Its a new game, new team.
11. My roommate was an unobservant, inconsiderate dick to me. So to pay her back I became a quiet, inconsiderate asshole. Its necessary to stand up for yourself. That's never really been a problem for me, even when I was a more shy and awkward youth (I didn't know I could get less awkward...). I started closing the door except not catching the latch at the end. Knowing our stunning room location dealt with opposing air currents I left that door to slam itself every minute or so. Without a TV in the room I would watch streaming episodes on my laptop, without the constricting headphones. I don't care that you needed to study your stack of 60 Hospitality flash cards. Poor poor girl. It's hard for me to be mean. I'm a just asshole at least. Or am I just and asshole? (I love wordplay too much)
12. I'll sum it up with: be yourself. Now I've set myself up to defy stereotypes, I love it, crave it. It brings me out of my shell, it allows for conversation and then hopefully some form of understanding. Yes I'm a dreadlocked lesbian Jewish left handed goalie, but who isn't? There's something interesting about everyone, even if you can't see your own quirks or pieces of awesomeness, than find new people, branch forth and they will be able to see true beauty inside your glimmering face. I puked a little writing that. But for realisies [it's 3am, can you tell?] take chances and break from your normal hold and mold on life.
There you have it folks.
Much love,
~Rach
No comments:
Post a Comment